Sunday, November 27, 2005

Daily stuggle with death

I can't understand the sheer vindictiveness and malicious cunning that has gone into urban planning in small town America (this display of cowardice in not naming the specific city that is the raison d'etre of this garbled spewing of bile is a result of a recent addition of a fear of being sued to my already vast canvas of perscution mania. I am inclined to assume that this latest acquisition is more of a rubbing off from the society that has been thrust upon me rather than actual experiances). While I had heard storied of how walker-unfriendly the streets of the land of opportunity were, previous experiance and, as it turned out a misplaced faith in students being a different species of the human race, had led me to believe that University towns would be exempt from this spite. This however, is not the case. The people who drive here appear to think that the very act of seeing some poor soul walking to the grocery store or the laundromat across the street, is a personal affront to the dignity of the person behind the wheel and an unbearable slight to the aesthetic integrity of the patched and pot-holed roads. Never before has the simple act of crossing a street been more fraught with peril, and this coming from someone who has crossed the streets of Hyderabad with scarcely a scratch and with a sister who, very considerately uses one's body as a battering ram against the oncoming traffic.
Woe betide those unfortunate mortals who decide to their bit for the environment and cycle to... wherever (bleedin' heart liberals!) or those young mothers who bravely strap their precious cherubs into prams and wheel them out for a bit of sunshine. There is no seperate bike path of course, and one is forced to use the main road. Why not use the sidewalk/pavement you say? Because, dear child, the sidewalks don't have ramps on both sides. This is truly where the vindictiveness is laid bare. You get on the sidewalk at one end, praising the kindness of the civic authorities who have been considerate enough to lay a sidewalk, "proceed along" the stretch of the road as cars zip by you and drivers stare evilly at you for about a quarter of mile and then realise that the pavement doesn't have a ramp built at the other end! Surely, you think to yourself, this must be an oversight. They probably was a drafting error on the blue print. You make mental note to avoid this particular sidewalk in the future as you back track and start again. After dodging death as you are walking/cycling/wheeling on the road, you find yourself approaching another sidewalk and breathe a sigh of relief as a blue mustang misses you by a hair's breadth. You clamber onto the pavement and resist the urge to kiss it. After a brief examination of your limbs you set off again, your leg a bloody mess and three vertebrae dislocated. A sinking feeling starts making itself felt as you approach the intersection. There is no ramp! Maybe there was mistake in the blueprint of this particular street. Your mind is now working overtime devising alternate routes to the library and work. Also is helps to be distracted as cars are gunning for you and horns are blaring. The trick is to convince yourself that you are not being singled out and the murderers driving the cars are probably lovely people when not behind the wheel and are kind to animals. If by mischance you surrender this belief, then you are doomed to spend the rest of your life in a solitary, pleasant room with people in white coats being obnoxiously cheerful around you.
As the days progress and the medical bills mount, you realise that this one-ended ramp phenomenon is all pervasive. They entice you cunningly onto the pavement and then you realise that there is no way to get off at the other end and are forced to battle the traffic who exhibits a droit de signeur attitude towards the road and views you as a malicious trespasser who must be shown up for the sheer effrontery of being on the same road as them, especially as there is perfectly servicable sidewalk built for the express purpose of hiding their miserable carcasses from the view of the God-fearing public.

14 comments:

magicfarawaytree said...

arre! it isn't like that at stanford..:) in fact here they don't let you own a car (actually they let you own it but don't allow you to park it anywhere in the main campus, and thus it is futile to own a car and want to use it on campus).
oh and cars come to a screeching halt even when u stand by the side of the road wondering whether u want to get across..:)

Anonymous said...

Damn hippies!

Nubian Nerd said...

This is hilarious! I say you burn your macroeconomics textbooks and become a writer! Good stuff, keep it up.

Laasya Bhagavatula said...

ramp? what ramp? educate indian girl who has not seen outside world please... how high are these pavements???

and stop saying planning and blueprints so much... i am feeling bad for my kind!

i can cross roads thank you very much. i just don't like you all that much. so that.

Laasya Bhagavatula said...

ps: us poor souls in hyderabad are apparently to be blessed with wider roads... as of now they have all turned to rubble and some people have even disappeared in the potholes

magicfarawaytree said...

wow!which ones?? and where is the space to expand into??

Cheerfully cynical said...

To those souls in third world countries, the pavements aren't that high but are just high enough to make you get off your cycle or if you are in wheelchair to tip over(naturally this has happened). Also, even flow, you love me more than life itself-- you're just terrified of anything that moves. and chatti, you're in liberal, hippy, bleeding heart state so shut up!
also don't know how to add people onto my blog. help

Laasya Bhagavatula said...

there isn't any space... so they're creating some. resulting casualties: marichika gone, southern spice half gone, etc etc.....

www.blogger.com/help

Anonymous said...

Cheerfully Cynical:
I'm in freakin Texas, i can relate very well!

magicfarawaytree said...

true true :)
and i'm glad to be here! (or so i tell myself every now and then so i don't forget)

even flow:arre...but is it more fun to drive now?

Laasya Bhagavatula said...

no it isn't fun... there are too many vehicles on the road. they refuse to listen when i tell them they should stay home... and my parents are still no agreeing to let me fix a siren on the car!

Amateur Blogger said...

My sole experience in Amreeka was not so much in a University town so it may not qualify, but I agree with "reluctant" about the screeching halt. Got my hopes high the first time that happened with an attractive person at the steering wheel. I was in the middle of analysing possible paths this new turn of events could take when I realised what it was actually about.

Like your style of writing. Pls to continue.

Anonymous said...

So this is where you holed up! Had been wondering about your disappearing act. Although this place looks dead too I hope all is well with you...take care...

Anonymous said...

I am really getting worried, get back home!!!!