Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Tagged

My sister tagged me a while ago and I, naturally, never did anything about it. I was supposed to list six weird but unknown things about me, which naturally I never did- there really isn't any need for me to add to the reasons for people to think that I am a basket case. So I decided to tweak it a bit and list six of the things that stand out in my memories about a fake camping trip that I was just shanghaied on.
1. I experienced an extraordinarily unexpected moment of peace while crossing a mile high suspension bridge between two mountains. The bridge was made of metal and it was a windy day so there was considerable swaying involved. The wind, as it blew down the bridge, created these unbelievably soothing sounds which created an almost choral effect. Feeling safe and warm and at peace while I was walking down a narrow strip of metal bars that hung suspended on wires between two mountains, while there was a near-gale blowing and there were people milling about, was such a contradiction in terms that that time-space moment will always be unforgettable.
2. The odd homogeneity of insect life that I saw on the trip. I kept seeing the same species of spider wherever I went. I was convinced that it was following me around but then I saw two at the same time, so now I know that there were two that were stalking me in shifts apparently.
3. The dispelling of my notion of what a nature photographer does. In my mind, this species of photographers trek through the wilderness in waistcoats with too many pockets and take pictures of bark and such like. But not so any more. Apparently one can be a nature photographer from the comfort of one's car and the "nature" that one sees at the designated stop points along the highway are enough grist for their mill.
4. The sweet-turned-creepy old guy who offered to whisk me away to the beach in his private jet but abruptly stopped talking to me when I said that I didn't speak Malayalam. Yeah, I don't know.
5. The complete lack of curiosity or interest or individuality in the people that I went with. It really never fails to amaze me that there are adults who follow like drones what other people tell them. There is not, evidently, even the littlest shred of critical thought that pops into apparently rational human beings. And what is worse, the mere mention of a contrary opinion is considered disloyal. Who lives like this?
6. The insensitivity to other people's opinions, wants, comforts and to a certain extent, existence. I had always considered myself, and was frequently reminded that, I was too self centered and dismissive of what other people thought. I have found however, that there are people who are infinitely more self involved than me.

That was it. My first tag. Althuogh can this actually be a tag since I haven't tagged a bunch of people as well?

Friday, July 21, 2006

An old one

This is an old post from a now defunct, ill fated blog. I thought I would put this up here since I can't really think of anything else to say and have this strange compulsion to post something on the blog.
So I sit here in my room again. I've been in bed for the better part of the day. It worries me, if i can remember to think about it, that if i don't push myself to talk to people, I could very easily retreat into the world in my head. The eternal conflict for me isn't tuning out the world, but making myself acknowledge its presence and that i need it. It is what makes me, me. I react. I exist because I react to the world and my immediate surroundings. The funny thing is that I think most people would consider me to be individualistic and independent. the irony of that thought always amused me. Right down to the way I talk, I mimic the people around me. Maybe there is a part of me that is different from others-- that makes me see things differently. Maybe this is what people see and say is the essential me-ness. Oddly perceptive of them. Funny really, I am different to different people, but this part endures and is close enough to the surface that everyone can notice it. I do underestimate the world.